Die Lösung liegt in der Kommunikation - Kunst - Emotionen - Farbe, bunt

Die Lösung liegt (fast) immer in der Kommunikation

Das Leben besteht nicht nur aus Höhen, der Alltag nicht nur aus Erfolgen. Es gibt Tiefschläge und Krisen, es gibt Herausforderungen und Ängste. Das gilt für das berufliche wie für das private Umfeld. Die Lösungen liegen im Inneren, denn, so Susan David, Psychologin der Harvard Medical School, „wie wir uns selbst sehen, beeinflusst alles„.

Was heißt das genau?

Es geht um den Einfluss und so gesehen um die Macht unserer Emotionen. Bleiben beispielsweise Gefühle wie Angst, Kummer oder Ärger unter der Oberfläche, so entwickelt sich hieraus nicht all zu selten eine Depression. Warum? Weil Negatives, das zur Seite geschoben oder ignoriert wird, sich ausweitet. Das ist wissenschaftlich erwiesen und letztendlich für jeden von uns nachvollziehbar. Jeder der schon einmal Unmut oder Groll „herunter geschluckt“ hat weiß, dass es damit häufig nicht getan ist. Sobald eine ähnliche, vielleicht viel harmlosere Situation vorliegt, die das erlebte Gefühl erneut aufsteigen lässt, erscheint die Emotion noch intensiver als zuvor. Wie bei einem Gewitter braut sich auf diese Weise von Mal zu Mal etwas zusammen – Unwohlsein staut sich auf und irgendwann läuft das Fass schließlich über. Es kommt zu Streit und Auseinandersetzungen, mitunter sogar zu Gewalt.

Die Lösung liegt in der Kommunikation - mit sich selbst

Um „Explosionen“ wie diese zu vermeiden, ist nicht nur die Kommunikation zwischen den Beteiligten wichtig, sondern vor allem auch die individuelle, innere Kommunikation. Letztendlich sollten hierfür bewusste und regelmäßige Ruhephasen geschaffen werden, denn beim Hasten von Meeting zu Meeting, zwischen einkaufen, kochen und sauber machen, kommen wir oft kaum zum Durchatmen, geschweige denn zum Zuhören. Und das obwohl es so wichtig ist, das sich-selbst-Zuhören.

Sich selbst zuhören, innere Kommunikation

Diversität leben und leben lassen

Wie Susan David z. B. in ihrem TED Talk 2017 erklärt, hat sich in unserer Gesellschaft eine Art moral correctness breitgemacht, wonach „being positive“ quasi als Nonplusultra gilt. Selbst wenn Dinge schief gehen und weitreichende Folgen zu befürchten sind, oder wenn jemandem eine Krebsdiagnose mitgeteilt wird, sollen die Betroffenen doch bitte einfach positiv bleiben … Das ist unwirksam, teilweise sogar grausam und letztendlich wissen wir das.

Wichtig ist daher die Annahme und Akzeptanz von Diversität. Das viel gepriesene und moderne Diversity-Konzept aus der Arbeitswelt, darf sich nicht allein auf die Zusammenstellung der Teammitglieder beschränken. Diversity muss gelebt werden, und zwar auch in Form der frei werdenden Emotionen. Aller Emotionen! Dazu gehören auch weniger schöne Gefühle oder Gedanken, das ist nun mal so. Eine der Studien von Susan David, deren Arbeiten bereits in Publikationen wie dem Harvard Business Review, in der Time und im The Wall Street Journal erschienen sind, besagt diesbezüglich sogar Folgendes: Wenn Menschen all ihre wahren Emotionen zeigen dürfen, führt das zu einem Fluss von Kreativität, Engagement und Innovation. Gefühle zeigen (lassen) „lohnt sich“ also, und zwar für alle.

Fühl Dich glücklich

Wie geht also das „Kommunizieren mit sich selbst„? So direkt gefragt, mag es für den ein oder anderen womöglich etwas merkwürdig klingen, vielleicht auch esoterisch, doch das ist es nicht. Die Forschung zeigt, dass die radikale Akzeptanz unserer Gefühle der Grundstein sind für Ausdauer und echtes, authentisches Glück. Und wer von uns will nicht glücklich sein …?

happy - Fuehl dich gluecklich - Kommunikationsgut

Mit Liebe zum Detail

Um nun mit sich selbst kommunizieren zu können, braucht es die entsprechende Bereitschaft sowie das Wissen, dass die eigenen Emotionen Daten liefern, die es auszuwerten gilt. Wer an diese Auswertung mit Neugier und Mut herangeht, hat gute Chancen, wertvolle Aha-Momente zu erfahren. Diese kommen in erster Linie dem eigenen Ich zugute, im zweiten Schritt können sie dann an das Umfeld weitergegeben, ja kommuniziert werden.

Die zugrunde liegende Frage „Was fühle ich?“ sollte zunächst so genau wie nur irgendwie möglich beantwortet werden. Hierbei ist auf Pauschalisierungen zu verzichten, denn je genauer eine Emotion – also unsere innere Datenquelle – verstanden wird, desto besser können wir Handlungsoptionen für uns ableiten. So ist Stress beispielsweise in Enttäuschung, Angst, Misserfolg, … zu unterteilen. Daran anschließend folgen Fragen wie „Was kann ich ändern, um es besser zu machen?“ und „Dient diese Änderung mir selbst?„. Genau das ist schließlich Sinn und Zweck unserer Emotionen: Sie dienen uns, sie wollen uns helfen – wir sollten sie daher mitfühlend annehmen und bestmöglich für uns nutzen.

Es ist alles auch eine Frage der Formulierung

Ein wichtiger Punkt, der sowohl bei der Kommunikation mit sich selbst, als auch bei der Kommunikation mit anderen zu beachten ist: Unsere Emotionen besitzen uns nicht, wir besitzen unsere Emotionen. Formulierungen wie „Ich bin traurig …“ oder „Ich bin wütend …“ bedeuten, dass man als Person zu 100 % aus Trauer, Wut, etc. besteht. Das stimmt nicht, ganz gleich welches Gefühl wie stark empfunden wird. Emotionen sind wichtig und ernst zu nehmen, doch es handelt sich dabei um keine Fakten. Die Person, die diese Emotionen hat, bleibt die gleiche. Ihr Charakter, ihre Werte und Vorstellungen verändern sich nicht von Grund auf. Daher sind Formulierungen wie „Ich merke, dass ich mich traurig fühle …“ oder „Ich fühle mich wütend …“ zutreffender.

Abhilfe kann in einer solchen Situation z. B. schon ein tiefer und bewusster Atemzug oder ein Blick aus dem Fenster schaffen. Je nach Person und Gefühlslage, sind hin und wieder jedoch auch deutlich umfassendere Maßnahmen nötig. Was wann „richtig“ ist, lässt sich nur im Gespräch herausfinden.

Zusammenfassend lässt sich sagen...

Emotionen und innere Kommunikation - Domino - Kommunikationsgut
  • Emotionen sind eine Form unserer inneren Kommunikation, die es zu verstehen gilt.
  • Wir müssen Emotionen benennen/ deuten, um entsprechend auf sie reagieren zu können und um uns somit selbst zu dienen.
  • Wir sollten unbedingt auch negative Emotionen annehmen, statt sie zu verdrängen – von uns und auch von anderen.
  • Wir sollten unsere Emotionen als das verstehen und kommunizieren, was sie sind: Emotionen, keine Fakten. Wir können darauf reagieren und Situationen auf diese Weise verbessern.

Als tiefer gehenden bzw. zugrunde liegenden Input ist an dieser Stelle der erwähnte TED Talk von Susan David eingebunden. Mein erster Tipp: Sehen Sie sich das Video an. Mein zweiter Tipp: Achten Sie beim nächsten (negativen) Gefühl von sich oder anderen aktiv darauf, weder die Person noch die Emotion zu verurteilen. Gehen Sie der Sache stattdessen auf den Grund – mit Neugier, Mut und einer extra großen Portion Mitgefühl.

Der TED Talk von Susan David im Video

18.850 Kommentare zu „Die Lösung liegt (fast) immer in der Kommunikation“

  1. Schön geschrieben! Kann man nur zustimmen – auf sich selber hören und in sich hineinschauen ist wichtig.

    Ich freue mich auf weitere Beiträge! 😊👌🏻

    1. Liebe Julia,

      danke für den Kommentar und die schöne Rückmeldung, das freut mich sehr! 🤗
      Bis ganz bald mit neuem Input,
      Marie

  2. Pingback: Kommunikation per Post: für Wertschätzung, Achtung und Respekt

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